One important and verifiable truth about the mishandling of difficult conversations is the apprehension concentrated on conceivable consequences the difficult conversation can lead to. But one must note that difficult conversations are never about getting the facts straightened out equitable, but difficult conversations rather include expressing conflicting perceptions of personal interpretations and values. If you were to take a more ‘learning stance’ towards the difficult conversation, instead of a ‘message stance’ your focus will internally shift into what you can do differently during the conversation to engage enhancement, rather than of what you can say differently.
In a difficult conversation the real action is seen below the surface. The underlined conversations we have internally about what the external and difficult conversation ‘means’ to us individually can bestow doubtful questions and concerns into who we are as a person. Are they suggesting I am competent or incompetent? A good person or bad person? Worthy of love or simply unlovable? Think about the impacts this systematic thinking allowed will have on your self-esteem, self-image and therefore your future and its’ well being. The gap between what you’re really thinking vs. what it is actually being said causes the “difficult” conversation to occur.
There are three types of difficult conversations:
1st “The What Happened Difficult Conversation”: This conversation asks, what just happened? What should happen? Who meant what & who is to blame?
2nd “The Feelings Difficult Conversation”: This conversation asks & answers questions directly related to feelings. Are these feelings appropriate and valid? Should I deny these feelings & put them on the table? What about the other person’s feelings? Did I consider them?
3rd “ The Identity Conversation”: This conversation identifies questions about the conversation and what it ‘means’ to us internally. Here are where questions of self-esteem, self-worth & self-image come into play. Am I good person or bad person because of what I said in the conversation? Did I display love? Do I know how to love? Do I deserve love?
Knowing each type of difficult conversation creates an occasion to transcend your internal standpoint into a ‘learning stance’ and engage in an opportunity exchanged with focusing on doing differently instead of saying differently. Learning to operate effectively with each realm of a difficult conversation can increase productivity within your life and lessen the fear associated with dealing with difficult conversations. Being a great leader requires conflict; coping with a difficult conversation is comprised of conflict. Therefore, I encourage you to stop arguing about who is right or wrong and just explore each other’s stories within the difficult conversation. For arguing only inhabitants our abilities as individuals to learn.
“There are two ways of exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up. Therefore, we must reinforce argument with results.”
Booker T Washington
In a difficult conversation the real action is seen below the surface. The underlined conversations we have internally about what the external and difficult conversation ‘means’ to us individually can bestow doubtful questions and concerns into who we are as a person. Are they suggesting I am competent or incompetent? A good person or bad person? Worthy of love or simply unlovable? Think about the impacts this systematic thinking allowed will have on your self-esteem, self-image and therefore your future and its’ well being. The gap between what you’re really thinking vs. what it is actually being said causes the “difficult” conversation to occur.
There are three types of difficult conversations:
1st “The What Happened Difficult Conversation”: This conversation asks, what just happened? What should happen? Who meant what & who is to blame?
2nd “The Feelings Difficult Conversation”: This conversation asks & answers questions directly related to feelings. Are these feelings appropriate and valid? Should I deny these feelings & put them on the table? What about the other person’s feelings? Did I consider them?
3rd “ The Identity Conversation”: This conversation identifies questions about the conversation and what it ‘means’ to us internally. Here are where questions of self-esteem, self-worth & self-image come into play. Am I good person or bad person because of what I said in the conversation? Did I display love? Do I know how to love? Do I deserve love?
Knowing each type of difficult conversation creates an occasion to transcend your internal standpoint into a ‘learning stance’ and engage in an opportunity exchanged with focusing on doing differently instead of saying differently. Learning to operate effectively with each realm of a difficult conversation can increase productivity within your life and lessen the fear associated with dealing with difficult conversations. Being a great leader requires conflict; coping with a difficult conversation is comprised of conflict. Therefore, I encourage you to stop arguing about who is right or wrong and just explore each other’s stories within the difficult conversation. For arguing only inhabitants our abilities as individuals to learn.
“There are two ways of exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up. Therefore, we must reinforce argument with results.”
Booker T Washington
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